There are numerous things that make being a black woman hard, and yet, an unending list of reasons why being a black woman is tremendously beautiful. As I’ve had my own experiences, made my own mistakes, and started to make my unique impact on the world, I value more and more all the things my mother told me and the sacrifices she made.
It was the 80s, and my mother was the breadwinner, the protector, and the comforter of two little girls. As a kid, I had no awareness of the fact that I was born to a “teen mom.” That my mother, sister, and I were in fact who society was lamenting while shunning “babies having babies.” I’m not sure what it was… how she seemed to instantly take on the responsibility of motherhood. My mother was building the plane while she was flying it, and if she was scared, it wasn’t obvious; she simply remained committed.
We all grew up fast, and I’m convinced mom made a list of all the things she wasn’t taught and made sure the life lessons she missed were ingrained in us. If I were to reference her many words of wisdom and truth bombs from over the years, this blog post would be a book-so I won’t. Although, because she’s so straightforward and has always been one to tell it like it is with a dose of love, her advice is solid! All of my friends and colleagues love it when I reference one of her good ole quotes… so I’ll give you one.
My mother has always told me:”… do what you want with your hair, just be sure to love and care for your natural hair in the process.”
Some of our favorite memories with Mother involve our hair…
My older sister and I, being 80s babies, were a part of the side ponytails, colored beads and cornrows, perms, and pink sponge rollers, generation. Our little family was light-years from being financially rich, but we were far too full of culture to ever feel poor, and my hardworking mother made sure to have a little budget for haircare for herself and her girls.
Once every two weeks, we’d visit Ms. Karen’s salon. Here, women gossiped and laughed at the top of their lungs, and I strained to hear “grown folks’ business,” over the noise of the hairdryer that I was under for what felt like centuries! I hated it when Ms. Karen got too close to my ears with the curling iron but lived for the moment when she gave the final spray of oil sheen, removed the salon cape, and handed me the mirror to see what she had done “with my head.”
Having our hair styled made us feel good, and perhaps my mother understood this because she was consistent in investing in twice-a-month salon visits for me and my sister. When we became pre-teens, my older sister Tonya was a natural at styling hair. She’d do all the neighbors’ finger waves and french rolls, and when she didn’t have an attitude, she’d style my hair. So we just started doing our hair at home.
As I grew older and became responsible for my hair care, the journey of my (now all-natural) 4c mane was a demonstration of art imitating life: in many ways, like me, my hair grew, broke, and grew again. My crown challenged me to try different things and ultimately to learn to love it for what it was, without concern for what society said it should be. Looking back, perhaps my mother’s advice was much more than a reminder to love and care for my hair. Perhaps at the root of her advice was a reminder to invest in and own my self-love and care.
Now as a Mother…
Even as a young mother, I’m convinced my mom was wise enough to know that in raising young black girls, there would be numerous things that would make being a black woman hard, and so she intentionally instilled in us an understanding of the unending list of things that make being a black woman tremendously beautiful.
Here’s to My Mother and All Mothers!
Catch the replay of our VP, Ylorie Taylor (@browngirlmktg) and guest blogger, LaToria Pierce (@ladylatoria), on the EDEN BodyWorks Instagram page chatting about the latest platform to help moms (re)join the workforce.
LaToria is the Founder/CEO of early-stage startup Handoff. Handoff’s software enables two employees to share one full-time role, supporting individuals – like the 16 million breadwinning mothers in the workforce- in building a career while managing home life.